Monday, January 31, 2011

When Relationships Get Unexpected Surprises: Guest Post by Peer Leader Intern Hannah Davis


Relationships are complicated enough, but what happens when another person is thrown into the mix? No, I’m not talking about a love triangle or a nosy person who is interfering in your personal love life; I’m talking about a baby. Many teenagers aren’t consciously thinking about settling down with their partner and having kids, but for some it happens unexpectedly. And what do you do if you find yourself pregnant while still in school and unmarried?

For most couples, having a baby in general brings about a lot of stress and anxiety. There is concern about the fetus’s health, getting money to support the baby, figuring out if one of the parents will stop working to care full time for the newborn, and many other things that need to be thought out before the child even comes to be born. Some couples are so stressed by the event that their relationship can deteriorate as hormones and emotions go wild.

If you are a teen engaging in unprotected sex you can get pregnant. There are myths that say if a girls on top, if you have sex in water, or if you have sex on your period you can’t get pregnant. None of these are real! The only true way to avoid getting pregnant is abstinence, but we all know many teens don’t want to abstain from sex. So if you are ready to take your relationship to that level its important you use a condom and think about going on birth control.

But what if you weren’t told these things and it’s too late; you or your girlfriend is in the process of having a baby. How can a young teenage couple handle what lies ahead of them? What can you do to reduce the stress and other negative emotions you and your partner may be experiencing? A major thing is to know what you are in for. Take time to read parenting books, talk to doctors about the potential risks teens have when giving birth, such as babies being premature, and if there are ways to reduce those outcomes.

Secondly, talk with your partner about what your future is. There is a chance that you will get married or you may also decide it’s better to share custody but not continue in your romantic relationship. If you realize that your significant other doesn’t want to stay then discuss ways to make sure they continue to participate in the child’s life. Find a way to make the future the best you can possibly give your unborn child.

A third way is to surround yourself with those who are willing to help you and your partner during the pregnancy. Some teens are lucky and have parents who are supportive and promise to help raise the child. This compassion and love helps the soon-to-be parents navigate through things like Lamaze classes, doctors appointments, and periods of fear, anger, or confusion. But not everyone has such understanding parents. Some teens are rejected by family and made to struggle on their own. But even then there are others who are willing to lend a helping hand. Look for those friends or trusted adults.

You can go to informational websites and hotlines for help if you feel there is nowhere else to turn. America’s Pregnancy Helpline can be contacted at 1-888-672-2296 and have a special section just for teens. For counseling you can contact Planned Parenthood Federation of America at 1-800-230-7526 or Birthright International at 1-800-550-4900 or online at http://birthright.org.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

One of the Possible Dangers of Romance. Guest Peer Leader Blog Post By Hannah Davis

Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship where something doesn’t seem quite right. Many things can go wrong in romantic relationship, and because of this we have to take caution when we select a mate. Perhaps one of the most serious issues is when a person becomes involved in an abusive relationship.

What do we consider to be abusive relationships? This doesn’t have a simple answer because there are many forms of abuse; physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, social, spiritual, or a combination of the above. All of these are serious signs that you should get out of the relationship quickly. If any of these forms of abuse are occurring you are not in a loving relationship, your partner most likely wont stop even if he or she says they will change, and they aren’t trustworthy. You must remember this person is trying to manipulate you in order to control you. That is not okay.

What I found to be very interesting was that victims, typically women, tend to stay with their partner. I asked myself, why would you stay? So I looked it up and found that there is a cycle of violence these relationships get stuck in. It starts with the build up phase where there is noticeable tension and perhaps a sense of unease. Next comes the explosion where you experience the abuse. After that, which may occur immediately or soon thereafter, comes the remorse stage, where the abuser tries to make it up to you through gifts, saying “it will never happen again”, or that “it was all your fault”. And lastly is the time when things appear to get normal; the abuser seems to have truly felt bad about what happened and seemed to change. This honeymoon period doesn’t last long before the entire cycle starts again.

While I understand that it’s the honeymoon phase that keeps people in those types of relationships, I still couldn’t comprehend why it takes people so long to get out of those bad situations; eventually they must realize that the cycle wont stop repeating itself. I could think of several reasons, such as fear of leaving, but was that really enough to keep you there?

There are myths about abusive relationships and I began to wonder if that was another factor keeping people from leaving. Some of the myths included the victim deserved to be hurt, that those who are abused should be ashamed about it, that if it isn’t physical abuse it doesn’t count, that it’s the abusers drug and/or alcohol use that makes them violent, and that victims are weak because they don’t stand up for themselves.

Seeing as it’s a myth, none of these things are true. If you happen to be in an abusive relationship and these thoughts are stopping you from reaching out for help, please understand that none of it is your fault. No one deserves to be treated in any type of abusive manner.

Why is it important to leave an abusive relationship? First and foremost it is unhealthy physically (losing sleep, bodily injury) and mentally unhealthy (depression, fear, problems trusting others). Secondly, you should be in a fun relationship that centers on love, acceptance, and feelings of safety.

So, if you are in an unsafe relationship its times to get out of it! Talk to a trusted adult or friend or call a hotline. You can reach the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474, the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Continuation of Prejudice in Today's Society: Guest Post by Peer Leader Intern Hannah Davis



Why does our society continue to allow prejudice? Sure it isn’t always as blatant as it use to be, but there are many people suffering from microaggresions. What does this mean you may ask? Microaggressions are very small incidents that may at first appear innocent but on deeper inspection are actually forms of aversive racism or sexism or classism or any other ism there is. It appears that these slights are unconscious and is one way that people who have unknown biases project their true feelings.


An example of a microaggression could be a person who is Asian being denied a job they are qualified for to another candidate who is white. Their resumes are exactly the same, both are charming, and both are hard working but the white manager picks the white person. If asked, most likely that manager wouldn’t admit he or she picked the person according to race, even if it was an undertone to the decision.


According to Derald Wing Sue in his article entitled “Microaggressions in Everyday Life”, there are three categories of microaggressions:


1) Microassults: conscious actions that are prejudiced against a person for their race, sex, age, ect.


2) Microinsults: some type of communication that is insensitive and unconsciously done


3) Microinvalidations: communication that secretly puts another down by invalidating them due to their religion, sexual orientation, disability, ect.


All of these forms of microaggressions are powerful ways to hurt others, but the last two are unconscious and therefore harder to stop. Many people deny that they have stereotypes of certain people because society promotes diversity and acceptance. And yet their denial only hurts those who are the victims of their words and actions even more. Only once people begin to understand that they are unwittingly harming others can they begin to change their attitude and stop their unconscious prejudiced actions.


In another article Sue mentioned “microaggressions reflect the active manifestation of oppressive worldviews that create, foster, and enforce marginalization. Because most of us consciously experience ourselves as good, moral, and decent human beings, the realization that we hold a biased worldview is very disturbing; thus we prefer to deny, diminish or avoid looking at ourselves honestly. Yet, research suggests that none of us are immune from inheriting the racial, gender, and sexual orientation biases of our society. We have been socialized into racist, sexist and heterosexist attitudes, beliefs and behaviors. Much of this is outside the level of conscious awareness, thus we engage in actions that unintentionally oppress and discriminate against others.”


So with this in mind, is it really all that crazy to think we have each engaged in any of the three types of microaggressions?


I’d also wager that if you ask your friends and family someone would probably be able to give you an example of how microaggressions have been used against them.


As we try to fight the everyday microaggresion in our society we should also continue to battle the obvious forms of aggression. The USA Network television channel has come up with a campaign called Characters Unite that is asking people to take a “stand against intolerance, prejudice, discrimination and hate, and to promote greater understand and acceptance”. You can pledge at their website http://www.charactersunite.com/ and learn more about their fight against all forms of hatred.


Perhaps by removing the obvious discriminations we will be able to truly begin to stop microaggressions. As hard as it might be to imagine a world where everyone is seen as equal, isn’t it a nice picture? Don’t we want to fight to see a better tomorrow for future generations? If the answer is yes, then it’s time to work on our own prejudices; acknowledge them, think about them, and eliminate them.