One of the Possible Dangers of Romance. Guest Peer Leader Blog Post By Hannah Davis

Sometimes we find ourselves in a relationship where something doesn’t seem quite right. Many things can go wrong in romantic relationship, and because of this we have to take caution when we select a mate. Perhaps one of the most serious issues is when a person becomes involved in an abusive relationship.

What do we consider to be abusive relationships? This doesn’t have a simple answer because there are many forms of abuse; physical, emotional, verbal, sexual, financial, social, spiritual, or a combination of the above. All of these are serious signs that you should get out of the relationship quickly. If any of these forms of abuse are occurring you are not in a loving relationship, your partner most likely wont stop even if he or she says they will change, and they aren’t trustworthy. You must remember this person is trying to manipulate you in order to control you. That is not okay.

What I found to be very interesting was that victims, typically women, tend to stay with their partner. I asked myself, why would you stay? So I looked it up and found that there is a cycle of violence these relationships get stuck in. It starts with the build up phase where there is noticeable tension and perhaps a sense of unease. Next comes the explosion where you experience the abuse. After that, which may occur immediately or soon thereafter, comes the remorse stage, where the abuser tries to make it up to you through gifts, saying “it will never happen again”, or that “it was all your fault”. And lastly is the time when things appear to get normal; the abuser seems to have truly felt bad about what happened and seemed to change. This honeymoon period doesn’t last long before the entire cycle starts again.

While I understand that it’s the honeymoon phase that keeps people in those types of relationships, I still couldn’t comprehend why it takes people so long to get out of those bad situations; eventually they must realize that the cycle wont stop repeating itself. I could think of several reasons, such as fear of leaving, but was that really enough to keep you there?

There are myths about abusive relationships and I began to wonder if that was another factor keeping people from leaving. Some of the myths included the victim deserved to be hurt, that those who are abused should be ashamed about it, that if it isn’t physical abuse it doesn’t count, that it’s the abusers drug and/or alcohol use that makes them violent, and that victims are weak because they don’t stand up for themselves.

Seeing as it’s a myth, none of these things are true. If you happen to be in an abusive relationship and these thoughts are stopping you from reaching out for help, please understand that none of it is your fault. No one deserves to be treated in any type of abusive manner.

Why is it important to leave an abusive relationship? First and foremost it is unhealthy physically (losing sleep, bodily injury) and mentally unhealthy (depression, fear, problems trusting others). Secondly, you should be in a fun relationship that centers on love, acceptance, and feelings of safety.

So, if you are in an unsafe relationship its times to get out of it! Talk to a trusted adult or friend or call a hotline. You can reach the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474, the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

Sexting: Flirting or Felony?

"You should have seen the picture on his phone! She was completely naked!"

I overheard this at a party. Someone there was retelling a story about her stepson receiving a picture message on his cellphone. After learning that the recipient of the aforementioned picture message was thirteen years old, I began wonder how many teens were actually getting involved in sending sexually explicit text messages.

I discovered this is not an isolated incident. As cellphones have become more and more popular will teens and young adults, texting and picture messaging has exploded. This has also lead to the strange trend of "sexting"; sending nude or semi-nude photos by cellphone as a way of flirting. The latest studies show that sexing is on the rise. In 2008, between 25 and 30 percent of teens claimed to have engaged in sexting. The most recent study announced in July shows that number has climbed to 43 percent.

As a whole, it doesn't seem like too many people are raising eyebrows about sexting. Many of the teens surveyed commented that "No one gives it that much thought really" and that the photos are usually sent for no reason other than to be "fun or flirtatious." The most recent study also surveyed the parents of the teens and found that 28% of the parents engaged in sexting. Most parents said that sexting was "not a bad thing."

If you are a teen and you are reading this, you may be nodding your head in agreement. I mean, if the parents don't think it's serious, it must not be a big deal. Right?

So what are the risks?
If you are under the age of 18 and you either text or post nude pictures, you could face felony charges of child pornography. Does this sound far-fetched? Well, in 2009 a 14-year-old New Jersey girl posted dozens of sexually explicit photos of herself on her MySpace. She was arrested and charged with possession and distribution of child pornography.

If you are over 18, the consequences become a bit more severe. If you are caught texting or posting pictures of someone under the age of 18, not only could you face felony charges, you also may have to register as a sex offender. You may have heard about Phillip Alpert from Florida. At age 18, Phillip decided that the best way to get back at his ex-girlfriend was to forward an e-mail of her posing nude to dozens of people, including her parents. Phillip is now 20, and will have to register as a sex offender until he is 43 years old.

Phillip's story brings attention to another important point. Just because you text or e-mail a photo to a friend doesn't mean that your friend will keep the photo private. To give you a completely ridiculous example, while Halloween costume shopping with a friend, I snapped a photo on my iPhone of him wearing a giant fur coat and a cowboy hat. I posted the photo to Facebook and tagged him in the photo.

Within a matter of hours, over a dozen mutual friends had commented on the photo. They took the photo and circulated it all over Facebook. People were texting him and laughing about his new look. He also had neglected to shave that day so there was also a wealth of comments pertaining to his bizarre facial hair.

While my friend was in good spirits about this, think what had happened if this had been a sexually explicit photo. Once a photo is on the Internet, it is just a "right-click and save" away from distribution. This is what so many teens (and adults) seem to forget when it comes to sexting.

Even if texted photos never make it to MySpace or Facebook, there is still a possibility that they will get forwarded from phone to phone. It may seem like flirty, harmless fun, but do you really want everyone at school seeing that picture?

And as for the thirteen year old who ended up getting a surprise text? I'm sure the last though on the sender's mind was "Gee, I hope his parents find this picture."

Nothing says "trendy" like belly panels and bootcut maternity jeans

Do you shop at Forever 21? Although I am pretty far outside their demographic (trendy dressed tweens and teens) I will admit the store does have one quality I find appealing: dirt-cheap clothing.

Forever 21 just announced a new line of clothing and is promoting feverishly online. The website images are of a youthful blonde model wistfully looking down at her pregnant belly beneath the slogan "Meet the newest addition to our family"(See image above).

A pregnant model? That's right, Forever 21 is expanding their brand by including a new line of maternity wear. Called Love 21, the clothing line includes bootcut and skinny jeans that accommodate a pregnant belly, as well as a number of trendy tops and large purses designed to hold all of one's "Maternity Essentials." The clothing line is available in five states: Arizona, Alaska, California, Utah, and Texas. Bloggers at The Gloss pointed out that three of these states (Arizona, California, and Texas) have some of the highest teenage pregnancy rates nationwide.

How common is teen pregnancy? For starters, the United States has more teen pregnancies than any other industrialized nation. According to the CDC, there are about one-million teenage pregnancies annually. Most of these pregnancies are unintended.

Forever 21 is receiving a great deal of attention as a result of their new Love 21 line. On the Facebook page of The Massachusetts Alliance on Teen Pregnancy, a debate has started about whether or not the clothing line is encouraging and/or glamorizing teen pregnancy. As of today at 12:15pm, the responses seem to indicate that most consumers feel that this relates to consumer demand, such as creating a line of plush-size clothing. One woman writes: "It does not promote teen pregnancy. No One [sic] with any fashion sense gets pregnant for the clothes! I agree it is a business that is simply looking to fill a niche in the market." Another contributor states "I think the visibility it is bringing to teen pregnancy makes people uncomfortable with the fact that it means there is a market."

With over one-million teen pregnancies a year, it does in fact seem like there is a market for maternity clothing. But just because there is a market, it does not mean that there should be a market. What are we doing to prevent teenage pregnancy?

According to the Department of Health and Human Services, 2/3 of all teenagers who have a baby will not graduate high school. According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, the following needs to happen:

• Strengthen a culture of personal responsibility regarding sex, getting pregnant, and bringing children into the world, as well as strengthening the practice of always using contraception when you aren’t ready to have a child;


• Support responsible policies that will increase the use of contraception, particularly by those who cannot afford it and by those at greatest risk for having an unplanned pregnancy; and
  
• Provide more education to teens, parents, and young adults in their 20s that encourages them to take sex and pregnancy seriously, stresses personal responsibility and respectful relationships, and includes extensive information about contraception

Here's an idea: What if 100% of the profits of the Love 21 Maternity line was donated to organizations committed to comprehensive sex education, such as the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, and Planned Parenthood?

What do you think? Is Forever 21 glamorizing pregnancy or simply filling a niche in the market?

Well, that bites.

Are we too lovey-dovey over here at the Sonoma County Peer Outreach Coalition? I mean seriously, all this talk about oxytocin and bonding and cuddling? I think someone just shouted "Get a room!"

If our last topic really wasn't your scene, here's a new trend you can really sink your teeth into. All puns aside, have you heard of love bites? This teen trend spawned by the "Twilight" series and the population's obsession with vampires is taking hickeys one step further. Teens are slowing affection and ownership of friends and significant others by biting the skin, leaving a mark, and possibly drawing blood. According to teens interviewed for the CBS News story, love bites are "a way to belong to somebody," to mark one's territory, and to show love and devotion to each other.

Um, ouch? What happened to hand-holding and kissing? I don't remember biting my friends when "Interview With The Vampire" came out in theaters!

Since we are all about the teen health here at the POC, here's something else for you to chew on (last pun, I promise!): whenever you expose yourself to blood, you expose yourself to blood-borne diseases such as HIV, and hepatitis B and C. Nothing like showing your love for a friend by giving them a disease, right?

What do you think of this emerging trend? Do you bite your friends or does this trend just bite?

Alright, alright. No more puns....


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