The Facts on Suicide By Intern Hannah Davis

Suicide is a very serious topic that many people avoid talking about, but some things need to be discussed. If this saves even one life then it has been worth every second it takes me to write this blog.

First off let me start by saying if you or a friend is having suicidal thoughts get professional help immediately!

According to www.teensuicide.us, four out of five teen suicide attempts are preceded by clear warning signs. If you think a friend may be suicidal you should look for these signs:

• they withdrawal from people they love such as family and friends

• they either loose or gain a lot of weight

• they starts to sleep all the time or very little

• they begins to give away their possessions

• there is any talk about suicide

• they stop participating in activities they use to enjoy

• they pick up self destructive habits such as drinking, driving recklessly, and taking drugs

If any of these things are occurring you should talk to people you and your friend can trust. This can include teachers, family members, a school counselor, doctor, or an adult friend. You can also contact certain support groups by calling 1-800-suicide to reach The Hotline For Suicide Crisis, the Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-talk, or 911. There are also helpful online resources at http://www.yellowribbon.org/, http://www.save.org/ and http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/.

Sadly suicide is the third-leading cause of death for people between the ages of 15 and 24. The risk increases when there are firearms easily accessible to a suicidal person. Rates for girls are higher in their number of attempts, but since the common method for women is drugs and cutting, they survive more often. Boys, on the other hand, die about four times more often then girls because they use more dangerous methods such as hanging, jumping from heights, and guns.

What can cause a person to want to end their life? Teens who are depressed, may be using alcohol and drugs, could have been subject to physical or sexual abuse, or may dealing with their homosexuality in an nonsupporting family or environment; these are just a few examples of what lead to a higher risk for attempting suicide. Other factors include a family history of suicide or depression, lacking a supportive network, feeling isolated, and feelings of distress, irritability, or agitation.

Since so many teens attempt or succeed in committing suicide, chances are you know someone who has done this. I remember in junior high school one of the students hung himself in the bathrooms. Even to this day I get upset when I think about the loss of this person. It is typical and okay to be angry at the person who killed themselves. You may be mad that they gave up and left you behind. Or you may feel guilty because you couldn’t stop them from hurting themselves. Or you may feel confused, lost and sad. All of these emotions can be very strong and need to be discussed with a trusted person, preferably a counselor or professional, in order to help you get through these hard times.

The Pressure to be Perfect By Hannah Davis

Why are looks so important to our society? There are stereotypes abounding about what the perfect man or woman should look like. A desired man tends to be tall and muscular while women need to be lean, tall and endowed with large boobs. People are struggling with their reflection because society has put so much pressure on everyone to be attractive and seductive.

I don’t know about you but I feel the pressure to always look my best, buy the trendy clothing, and use dieting and exercise to reach that impossible body image of models. While I may not actually do all these things, there is a voice in the back of my mind that says I should. Others are dealing with these demands by undergoing drastic processes like plastic surgery. Others are developing mental disorders such as eating disorders or body dysmorphic disorder where they believe themselves to be ugly even if they have no noticeable flaws.

In regards to plastic surgery, the trend is quite frightening to me. Since 1997, there has been more than a 162% increase in cosmetic surgery. The top five surgical procedures for men, according to the ASAPS’s 2008 statistics on cosmetic surgery, were liposuction, rhinoplasty, eyelid surgery, hair transplants and breast reduction surgery. Women’s top five was breast augmentation, liposuction, eyelid surgery, abdonimoplasty and breast reduction. There is now even a television show called Bridalplasty that has women competing to earn cosmetic surgery so their wedding can be “perfect”. I watched an episode once and was shocked when the show’s host told the contestant being kicked off that “she would have a nice wedding, but not a perfect one” because she wasn’t going to have a change to get surgery. This message alarms me and makes me wonder if society has gone too far in its reach for perfection.

Then there are eating disorders, which are more common then you may think. According to South Carolina’s Department of Mental Health, around 8 million Americans have an eating disorder and almost half of all Americans personally know someone who has an eating disorder. Whether it is anorexia, bulimia, or binge-eating disorder, these disorders have been attributed with the highest level of mortality when compared to all other mental illnesses. The treatment is costly and not very effective; many people don’t even try to get help.

Why is it that 50% of girls between 11 and 13 see themselves overweight? What has allowed us to have anorexia as the third most common chronic illness among adolescents? Is it all the celebrities who have had eating disorders, the media’s pressure to be thin, or because of a pervasive mindset that has found its way into our culture?

And then there is body dysmporhic disorder, also called imagined ugliness, where people are excessively dissatisfied with a part of their appearance, imagined or minor imperfections, which constantly occupy their thoughts and make them feel horrible. These individuals obsess about the imperfection and use compulsions to try and relieve tensions. Because they are ashamed or upset by their appearance, people with body dysmorphic disorder tend to avoid others by staying home or covering up their perceived imperfection.

When I researched the disorder I came to a very helpful website called kidshealth.org, which has information for parents, kids, and teens. On their website they stated that the disorder tends to start in the teen years and may be caused by a combination of an imbalance in serotonin levels and cultures messages about body image. If the problem isn’t treated early on it can continue into adulthood and affect the person’s life in many ways, including unpleasant thoughts about their body, long and repeated grooming processes, and eventually isolation that results in dropping out of school or losing a job in order to avoid people who will see their imperfections.

All of the above processes show how people try to deal with society’s pressure to be perfect and its affect on men and women. Each is a severe issue that needs to be looked at in order to help those people develop a healthy lifestyle and outlook on their body.

So let’s take a stand against modern society’s perception of beauty. Let’s all embrace who we are, flaws and all, and accept that what we have is beautiful.

If you need help with an eating disorder please contact the National Eating Disorders Association at 1-800-913-2237 or at their website http://nationaleatingdisorders.org/.

Do we want to be a cookie cutter society where everyone looks the same; women are tan, blonde and skinny where men are rippling with muscles, athletic, and tall? Personally I don’t want that future. If you don’t either then take a stand and tell someone they are beautiful for exactly who they are. Look into your mirror and believe the person staring back is perfect. Learn to love yourself.

Motivations in School

An article posted on Psychology Today caught my attention. In Barry Swartz’s “Do Grades As Incentives Work?” the author wonders if grades make students merely work harder. In other words, he asked is the pressure to complete all assignments to get an ‘A’ teaching us anything besides how to get work done. Are we learning the material? Or are we regurgitating what teachers say in order to get a high GPA?

Why do we study hard? For many it’s to get a good grade. But shouldn’t it be for the love of learning?

In my humble opinion I believe that students, by the time they have reached college for sure, but most likely by junior high or high school, have learned that to get the grade we must recite exactly what the teacher says. Most people are afraid to challenge a teacher’s ideas in fear that they will be punished with a lower grade. So, we reread our notes right before a test and recite word for word what teachers want to hear. And as soon as we walk out of the classroom the valuable information slips away.

We also must think about the students. There are the lucky few who barely have to open a book, can skip class, and still get an “easy A” without really trying. Can people honestly say these kids have learned anything that semester? It may be more realistic to say these particular students are able to use their skills in certain techniques such as writing and test taking which allows them to slide on by without effort. They have achieved the desired grade, but learned nothing.

On the other side we see students who struggle to get good grades and really want to learn but aren’t able to do so. Schwartz says in his article “the students in the bottom half of the class--students whose learning we want to encourage--know that the odds of high grades and high rankings are stacked against them. If we corrupt students' souls by convincing them that the main motive for learning are high grades and honors, we end up de-motivating, and de-moralizing, those students who have little chance for the top rankings.” Over time they begin to give up and stop trying to learn.

So it looks to me like the grading system is flawed. Instead of focusing on learning valuable information we can use in the future, we are instead using any means possible to get a good grade, or we simply stop caring. Either way this isn’t helping students prepare for their future.

But what can be done? It isn’t likely that any time soon schools will even consider getting rid of the grading system, so how can teachers encourage students to work hard and actually learn at the same time? That is a question that isn’t easy to answer. Thankfully everyone goes through school and therefore has valuable information and feelings in regards to this topic. Maybe one of us, the frustrated students who are ready for something better, who will eventually discover a way to improve our school systems.

"No Homo"- Blog by Peer Leader Marcos Garcilazo

I recently watched an organization's public service announcement that promoted condom use to prevent the transmission of HIV/AIDS. I remember the gist of it, but as a matter of fact, the makers of the video lost me within four seconds.

The video had very little dialogue, but they used Lil' Wayne's "Lollipop" as the background music for their video. If you are not familiar with the song, click on the following link and pay very close attention to the lyrics.

Lollipop

Did you catch it? It's four seconds into the video/song. If you're not used to having gay slurs thrown in your direction you might have missed it. Heck, even if you are you might have missed it. If you did miss it, click the link again and really try and hear it.

Four seconds in, he says "no homo." The expression, if you are unaware, is used to clarify that under no conditions is any of the following to be interpreted as gay. The expression is very common on most social websites like Twitter and Facebook. The expression bases itself in the fear that anything - describing a shirt or even the weather - may be interpreted as the speaker being gay, and implying that there is something inherently wrong or offensive about being gay. Once again our culture has found a away to put down gay individuals everywhere constantly - first it was "that's gay" and now it's "no homo."

When I heard that in a video, they lost me. I wasn't listening because I was wondering "How could an organization perpetuate a negative phrase against such a vast part of the community when they're supposed to be educating them about condom usage?" Gay men tend to be at a higher risk for HIV/AIDS, so I struggle to understand why they would use a song that marginalizes gay people within the first four seconds.

There are more rap songs out there than I care to count, and some just as popular (if not more popular) than Lil' Wayne's song. Now, it is hard to miss it but if someone is used to being harassed for their sexual orientation, they won't miss it. If one is constantly demonized, when that demonization makes it into a video that's supposed to encourage safe sex, they're not going to hear the message. They'll hear the homophobic remark at the very beginning.

As I said earlier, gay men are at a higher risk of HIV/AIDS if protection isn't used, so it troubles me that one of the more at-risk target populations is being ignored. Stigma is a cause of risky sexual behavior, so it's important to remember what our language is doing to a community. I should hope that organizations will think very carefully when deciding what content to include, and in so doing they will ensure that their message is actually heard by those who would benefit from hearing it. With so many gay youth completing suicide in recent months, it should be obvious that we need to be more sensitive about language and the words we use.

"Tips on How to Deal With Stress" By Hannah Davis

Many people deal with stress on a daily basis. Issues at work, raising a family, thinking about the future, school issues, or trying to stay thin and in fashion may all be things that make you stressed. When you feel this unwanted pressure it’s important to learn proper ways to manage those feelings. In my search for ways to cope with stress, I turned to a very informational website called helpguide.org which lists six types of stress management strategies.

Before a person can even start to implement the strategies they need to accomplish two tasks: identify what is causing the stress in their lives and how they cope with the stress currently. When you are trying to find the things that are causing your stress, you need to not only look at what is the problem but also what may be causing it. For example, one of my housemates thought she was stressed because she didn’t have any money for food and school supplies, but on a closer inspection of the issue she found that she spent too much of her money on unnecessary items which caused her to be low in funds. In this case, in order to fix her stress and keep it from happening again, she had to learn to control her spending so that the next semester wouldn’t be as stressful. She was coping with the stress by not eating enough which lead her to get sick several times throughout the year. If she had tried to manage her stress differently, she could have avoided all those problems.

Now that we have a real life example to think about, we will start to look into ways to keep ourselves stress free (or as little stress as possible). The first management strategy is avoiding unnecessary stressors. This may sound obvious, but many people don’t notice that they are allowing themselves to fall into situations that cause them stress. How can we avoid the stress? Try saying no to things you can’t or don’t want to engage in, avoiding people who stress you out, reducing the load of work and activities you put upon yourself, and trying to take control of your environment are all ways to do this.

Another tip for reducing stress is to alter a situation if you are unable to avoid it. You can do this by managing your time better, being willing to make compromises, and making sure to express your emotions instead of letting them bubble up and cause you stress.

Thirdly you can try to change yourself so that you can adapt to the stressful situation while keep a sense of control. This may include focusing on the positive, loosing that perfectionist stance, and looking at the big picture and seeing how important the thing that is causing you stress really is.

If none of the above have worked you can then try to accept that you can’t change things. This doesn’t mean you are giving up and letting your life be filled with crippling stress. Oh no. This means you accept that things are difficult or unpleaseant, but remind yourself you wont always have to live with the stress you are currently feeling. Try to forgive the people who frustrate you and let go of any negative feelings you may be holding in.

A very easy way to manage stress is to find a way to get in some fun and relaxation every chance you can get. This may be as simple as a 15 minute walk at night or going to dinner with a close friend. If you allow yourself to unwind you won’t feel like the world is crashing down on you. Make it a goal to do something that makes you happy at least once a day.

And lastly, living a healthy lifestyle may help reduce some of the stress in your life. I don’t know about you, but sometimes a good work out makes me feel so much better. The endorphins you release will help you get happy! Make sure you get enough sleep so you aren’t grumpy, eat healthy, and avoid drugs and alcohol. All these things should help diminish your stress levels.

Well, there are your six tips for stress management. I hope they help you whenever you feel burdened by stress.

The Legal Side of Sex By Hannah Davis

There are many important aspects to sex: the emotional side, physical dangers such as diseases, the possibility of pregnancy, your sexual orientation, fetishes, and legal issues. While legal information may not be what you like to talk about when discussing sex, its important to know what consent, confidentiality, and legality mean in regards to sex.

Sexual consent means that you are agreeing to engage in sexual activities or intercourse. Both people must be willing in order for it to be consensual. It's important to get consent because both partners should be able to feel comfortable and ready for what they are doing. This means that you should make sure EVERY time that your partner is willing. In a healthy, open, communication filled relationship it should be easy to ask your partner if they want to engage in these activities. If they say no then you must stop! If you don’t it can be considered sexual assault or rape. And yes, even when in a relationship there can be rape.

If a person has been using alcohol or drugs then they cannot give consent because they aren't in their right mind. It is not okay to get someone drunk in order to sleep with them. This too can be considered rape. And lastly, a person who is asleep or unconscious cannot give consent.

When it comes to confidentiality you have certain legal rights. If you talk to a doctor or go into a clinic to talk about sex you don't have to worry about them telling others what you have talked about. There are only certain times when confidentiality can be broken and that is if you are being physically or sexually abused, thinking about hurting yourself or others, are under 16 and having sex with someone 21 or older, or if you are under 14 having sex with someone older then 14. Other then those specific things, doctors and nurses cannot tell your parent or guardian anything unless you give permission for them to be contacted. California law states that people under 18 have confidentiality when they talk about sex (including testing for STI's, pregnancy, abortions, or birth control), mental health (including counseling, anxiety, depression, stress, or problems at home or school), and drugs and alcohol (including use and getting help). If you want to speak to someone about issues, you don't need to worry that confidentiality will be broken.

In regards to legality, you are a minor in California if you are under 18. Once you reach the age of 18 you are legally of age to engage in sexual activities as long as there is sexual consent. But even when you are legally of age there are still certain actions you cannot participate in. The Statutory Rape Law in California says that if you are over 18 and having sex with a minor it is illegal and rape. If you are over 21 and having sexual encounters with someone under the age of 16 then you could be guilty of a felony. And for those of you under 18, it is illegal for two minors to have sex in California. These are the three main laws to be on the lookout for. This information is meant to help you become aware of what is and isn't legal, as well as help you make careful decisions about sexual activity. Knowing about the legal consequences is important.

A Sex::Tech Experiment by Hannah Davis

I wanted to test Google to see what pops up when people search for information regarding unwanted pregnancies. This little experiment was encouraged by Sex::Tech who wanted to see how much information is correct or helpful when a person is looking for sexual information on the Internet. I typed in my search in several ways to see how that effected the results.

I first tried “unwanted pregnancy” which had a mixture of information. The first post was called How To Get Rid of Unwanted Things. On their site it talked about the types of abortions available and natural methods like pulling out, and contraception forms to keep a person from getting pregnant. Next was Planned Parenthood who looked more positively at pregnancy and advised people think about giving up their child to adoption or keeping it instead of simply aborting. On the first page there where also sites that campaigned against teen pregnancy and tried to involve teens in having safe sex. Overall this search gave adequate and informed information.

So next I tried “I'm pregnant but don’t want it”. This search came up with a lot of sites like answers.com and yahoo answers which is were a person posts a question and has others who are randomly searching the Internet answer them. These websites all had mostly personal experiences for answers that were not necessarily based in fact. Other pages assumed that the people searching were teens or young adults or unmarried which excludes a large portion of the population who could be facing an unwanted pregnancy.

Lastly, I tried to see what would come up if I wrote “oh no, I’m pregnant” and got some interesting results. Again there were a lot of sites where people posted their personal problems and listened to others responses on what to do. Near the bottom of the first page was a website called Tracts on Evangelism, the first website specifically religious I had come across in all my searches. They wanted to use a person's pregnancy as a way to earn money through selling CD's that spoke God's word on the issue. They were against abortions and seemed to state that women should keep a baby even if it was unexpected. Besides this there was nothing new that hadn't popped up in my other searches.

Overall I found multiple reliable sources on the Internet when I typed in my searches. Some where not as useful or more sketchy, but I found a lot of the information to be somewhat helpful. I think this reinforces that you always need to be careful and double check your sources because your results can vary largely based on what you Google.

Written for the Sex::Tech 2011 Blog Carnival. Sex::Tech, the leading conference on youth, sexuality, and technology, is April 1-2, 2011 in San Francisco.